I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Randomize
