Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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