But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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