shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
