dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
