What a fucking waste of an outfit
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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