so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize