i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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