shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
