im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
