i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
