Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
