That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
