Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
