She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
