kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
