be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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