The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
