I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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