Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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