oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
