this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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