On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
