I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
