Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
