Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
