wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
