shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
