U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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