i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
