so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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