I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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