god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
