who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
