i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
