Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
