This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
