You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
