Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
