Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
