Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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