Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
