Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm like, not good at living.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
