You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
