paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
