Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
