just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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