awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
