Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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