I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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