Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
