He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
