I can text with my tongue
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
