If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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