The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
