a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize