I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize