Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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