I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
