Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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