I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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