hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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