I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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