walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
