Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
