the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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