My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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