thus making me awesome and them whores
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back