he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church