Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

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(516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f

Replies (9) Good night (6485) Bad night (892)
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(904): View more from Florida

we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways

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(904): we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways http://tfl.nu/vdwk

Replies (6) Good night (4236) Bad night (1214)
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(716): View more from New York

I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount

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(716): I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount http://tfl.nu/p3jz

Replies (10) Good night (5335) Bad night (1209)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.

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(757): Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated. http://tfl.nu/8q5f

Replies (10) Good night (3089) Bad night (1036)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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(507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp

Replies (10) Good night (5370) Bad night (945)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.

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(616): Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine. http://tfl.nu/pixd

Replies (6) Good night (1213) Bad night (2317)
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(765): View more from Indiana

On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.

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(765): On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life. http://tfl.nu/r8q3

Replies (7) Good night (2060) Bad night (703)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed

(425): View more from Washington

Yeah, that sounds like my life.

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(971): I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed (425): Yeah, that sounds like my life. http://tfl.nu/4i94

Replies (5) Good night (2219) Bad night (760)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.

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(414): Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl. http://tfl.nu/70hc

Replies (4) Good night (1677) Bad night (690)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.

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(402): He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians. http://tfl.nu/6owi

Replies (9) Good night (893) Bad night (1999)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.

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(778): Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours. http://tfl.nu/s2ri

Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (433)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I need Jameson.

(240): View more from Maryland

Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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(540): I need Jameson. (240): Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot. http://tfl.nu/qo8a

Replies (7) Good night (1354) Bad night (508)
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(802): View more from Vermont

"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..

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(802): "I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked.. http://tfl.nu/jof4

Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (441)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.

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(313): I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION. http://tfl.nu/w75i

Replies (8) Good night (587) Bad night (308)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.

(904): View more from Florida

You're a good person. Sharing is caring.

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(412): I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done. (904): You're a good person. Sharing is caring. http://tfl.nu/jz12

Replies (0) Good night (1146) Bad night (325)

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