Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
