i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments