last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night