Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

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(480): View more from Arizona

omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?

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(404): View more from Georgia

yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants

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(516): View more from New York

This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess

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