Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
