And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
