my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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