Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
