You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
