my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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