My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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