Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
