I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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