I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
