pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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