pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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