Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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