i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
